Tuesday 15 September 2015

Of course I want to continue

Compared to the marathon round of assessments at Month 12, Month 15 was a doddle. It was just the one appointment at the Research Centre. Even so, it was still going to be hard this time.

I’d had a progression in the intervening weeks. Initially, I’d thought I was just having a bad day. It just never improved. My balance had worsened and I was falling over more, mostly at home, when I was in my comfort zone and taking less care. I had started to use two crutches (instead of one). And for places I used to park outside of and walk into, I now used the scooter. I hoped it was more a case of my being tired of struggling than a shortening of my walking distance. What changes would there be in my assessment scores? I wasn’t going to be able to ignore them and pretend it wasn’t happening.

It was all rather depressing, not helped by torrential rain on the way there.
 
On the plus side, I had an interesting discussion with the lead consultant about the trial in general and about MS. Despite how I felt that day, for the most part, being part of the trial has been a positive experience for all sorts of reasons. It has little to do with the effect the drug may or may not have and regardless of whether I’m on the medication or the placebo. It feels constructive and hopeful. I’m doing something, instead of just waiting for the inevitable. So when he asked if I was happy to continue with the trial, despite my little hiccup, the answer, of course, was “Yes”.
 
 

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