Mrs Overall

It was a typical seaside café, small, with half-a-dozen wooden tables and chairs. But it had an added dimension in the form of a waitress who bore an uncanny resemblance to Mrs Overall.

As we found a table and started taking our coats off to sit down, she came over. “Are you coming or going?” she asked. “We’ve just arrived,” said Amy. “Oh. Well I’ll leave you for a minute. The menu’s on the table.” She waved at it and shuffled off.

The menu was basic. We settled on a cream tea for two. Mrs Overall didn’t seem to be coming back, so Amy went up to the counter to order. The Cream Tea came with a pot of tea. “Could I have coffee instead of tea?” she asked. “It comes with tea” was the baffled reply.   “Ok. We’ll have a cream tea for two but make the pot for one. And a mug of black coffee on the side please,” said Amy. “Do you want a cream tea for one or for two?” “A cream tea for two and a mug of black coffee.”

“That was painful,” said Amy when she returned to the table. A few minutes later, Mrs Overall came across, still confused. “Did you want a cream tea for one or two?”

“And we thought it was us” came a voice from the next table. “When she brought our tea over, she just brought the teapot. There were no cups. We had to ask for them”.

“Oh dear,” I laughed. “I wonder what we’ll get.” As they left, they wished us luck. We were now the only people left in the café.

Mrs Overall came over carrying a large tray that seemed almost too heavy for her. She placed it on the table and dispensed a large teapot, a mug of black coffee, two knives individually wrapped in little serviettes and two plates. On each was a tiny, warm scone, a small pot of solid jam and melting squirty cream that was in danger of running off the plate.

“Could I have a cup please?” I asked. She looked confused. “But you asked for a mug of coffee. And tea for two.” “Yes. But I’d like a cup to drink the tea from please.” She scanned the table. “Oh” she said.

She wandered off and came back with a small cup missing its saucer. Then the sugar arrived and was plonked on the table with a thud. It was just as well neither of us needed it for we had no spoons.

The scone was quite nice and the tea drinkable. After a while, Mrs Overall arrived with the bill and waited for us to find the money. She looked at my jumper and asked “is that a cat on the front? Do you like cats? My daughter’s got cats.” She rolled her eyes and tutted. “She’s got names for them all.”