I’d had a progression in the intervening weeks. Initially,
I’d thought I was just having a bad day. It just never improved. My balance had
worsened and I was falling over more, mostly at home, when I was in my comfort
zone and taking less care. I had started to use two crutches (instead of one). And
for places I used to park outside of and walk into, I now used the scooter. I
hoped it was more a case of my being tired of struggling than a shortening of
my walking distance. What changes would there be in my assessment scores? I
wasn’t going to be able to ignore them and pretend it wasn’t happening.
It was all rather depressing, not helped by torrential rain
on the way there.
On the plus side, I had an interesting discussion with the
lead consultant about the trial in general and about MS. Despite how I felt
that day, for the most part, being part of the trial has been a positive
experience for all sorts of reasons. It has little to do with the effect the
drug may or may not have and regardless of whether I’m on the medication or the
placebo. It feels constructive and hopeful. I’m doing something, instead of
just waiting for the inevitable. So when he asked if I was happy to continue
with the trial, despite my little hiccup, the answer, of course, was “Yes”.
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